I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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