no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize