Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
