we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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