I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
