so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
