We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
