i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize