She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
