Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
