my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
time to smoke my breakfast
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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