If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
