Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
drinking out of a sandbucket again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
