my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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