i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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