I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
