At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
