I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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