After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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