I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize