So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
