he thought i was a dude.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
