He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
