I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
