First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
