Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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