What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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