just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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