yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
MIDGETS
????
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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