I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
