Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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