I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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