Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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