hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm passing your future prison.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
