My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize