I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize