Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
