Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
