On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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