Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
