the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize