The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
