woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
