So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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