Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
