i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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