Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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