i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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