so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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