Pappa wants mamma naked
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
