If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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