Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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