i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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