i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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