is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
