I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
