do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
