We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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