I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
