sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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