So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
