Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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